..vent//rant_blog

I was supposed to go to a show tonight. My parents knew I was going to this show and they wait until I’m leaving, literally walking out the door, to tell me I can’t go. I have narcolepsy and up until about 4 months ago it’s been tame and nothing medicine couldn’t normalize. Recently though, it’s just me falling asleep everywhere, all the time and during anything. I admit, it’s bad. The thing about narcolepsy is, it isn’t just at night or when you haven’t slept..I can wake up at 10 in the morning from sleeping for 12 hours and the first though in my head is, “Crap. I’m sleepy as heck.” I’ve driven my car off the road 5 times in the past two months and the distance I’m allowed to drive gets cut shorter and shorter with each almost-accident situation. This week my parents made it 30 minutes. Nothing more than 30 minutes away. Which cuts out a lot of road trips I had planned and shows that are south of Atlanta I was planning on attending. Well now it’s 15. FIFTEEN FREAKING MINUTES. I’m not mad…just really upset. Brittany is still too afraid to get her license so literally I’m pretty much going nowhere unless the whole family is going. My dad wants to hire me a driver but I’d rather stay at home all day than have someone chauffeur me around like a brat.
I feel so lazy because I want to sleep all the time and I’m always so tired and it’s horrible. It’s absolutely horrid.

This was random but I needed to vent.

takecaretiredsouls:

when the venue has clean bathrooms, everything is better.

bad news never had good timing.

Normally I love hearing my mom and grandma talk on the phone. Probably because it’s mostly talk of how my cousins and I are growing up, how good God is and about how global warming is real. Tonight though, on the way home from the mall, I plugged my ears as my grandma on speakerphone explained to my mom how my cousin Shanel lost control of her car this morning. She died instantly.
Shanel was my favorite cousin. We would talk about college and our professional dreams before we we were even in middle school. She was the first one I told when I decided to drop out of college. She told me, “you’re smart. don’t stay in school if you don’t want to. be happy, be you”
My first time at Six Flags tall enough to ride roller coasters was with her. She was on fire for the Lord and would always reply to my *i have good news texts* with “God is SO good, baby girl!” she was only 2 1/2 years older than me but she was like an old soul, always referring to me as “baby girl”. She was engaged and working great job she loved. She was a student at Georgia State. She was smart, caring. She was beautiful.

I’m such a wreck. We just buried my uncle on my birthday Saturday, my grandpa is in a hospice struggling for his life, all of this stuff going on with parents, and now this. I just feel like everything could be a bit better.

Tell someone you love them before you go to bed tonight. It may be your last chance to. Life is such a precious thing- don’t take it for granted.

My uncle passed.

Funeral is on Saturday (my birthday). I’m already dreading the day. Everyone will be sad and I’ll be a wreck.
The last funeral I went to was my cousin, Erin’s. I was such a case then. I still have the scars on my wrists and hair missing from the cutting and hair pulling that took the place of sleep during those nights.
I’m already choking on the thought of having to look my little cousin in the eyes, and on the same day I celebrate 20, having to witness him bury his dad. I can barely breathe when I just think of how I’ll be a year older and he’ll at that moment begin to grow up without a father.

“bad news never had good timing. Then, circle of your friends will defend the silver lining…..but I know the heart of life is good”